One of those days...

I was asked this morning if I planned on writing on this blog everyday.. I thought about it quickly and said "probably".. I am finding it very helpful to sort of clear my mind each day.  So please, forgive me if somedays, like today, I seem to "unload" and ramble on.  I don't expect everyone to sit and read about all the things that are swimming around up in my head, so if you don't read on, no offense taken :)

Bella woke up quite early this morning, about 4:45am.  I tried to see if she would fall back to sleep but not today. So up we were at 5am.  She was in a pretty good mood considering she isn't quite a morning person, kind of like her Mommy.  We even had some cuddle time on the couch watching the Disney Channel.  Zackary decided he wanted to join the fun around 5:30..so our day started.. breakfast, getting dressed etc.  Bella ate well, her favorite of course, a blueberry waffle with peanut butter.  I had given her some fruit as well.  I am really trying to make sure she has all her vitamins and since she is not a vegetable lover, I try and supplement with good ole Flintstone's Gummies.

Unfortunately I don't think I waited long enough for her belly to be full... she became very cranky and I was trying to figure out what was wrong.. you see that is one of the HARDEST parts right now, there is no way for poor Bella to tell me what she is feeling or what she needs.. so I have to play the guessing game.  It gets us both quite frustrated....and leaves me feeling very inadequate as a Mom.  I  just want to cry when she looks at me like "Mommy why don't you understand me?".   That is the part I struggle with the most.

Well I figured it out when she proceeded to throw up her breakfast.  Two seconds later she was all smiles.  My guess, she was nauseous and the vitamin was NOT a good idea.  Won't make that mistake again.

I know you Moms out there know the frustration of trying to figure out what your new infant needs or wants, but with an infant there are only so many things that can be going on.. with a 2 year old she is feeling so many different things now and I just don't know what they are since she cannot communicate them to me.

Guess I am having a blue, feel sorry for myself kind of day.  I just want to help my baby girl, I just want to make sure she has everything she needs.  I have to remind myself one day at a time.. I guess I got trapped in the "looking down the road" kind of path today.  I'm scared, plain scared.

Its just little things that hit me sometimes... saw a "Rooms to Grow" truck on the way to work.. I remembered how excited we were to get her crib that converted to a Toddler bed, and then to a Big girl bed.. it's those little things, like the fact that I thought she would already be in her Toddler bed...silly I know but this is where my mind sometimes takes me.

Well that is enough of that.. time to pick up and brush off... almost time to go home and see my Beautiful, Perfect, Wonderful Baby Girl and My Amazing, Handsome, Hilarious Baby Boy.. that is all that matters.....I am letting the rest go.