MRI Monday....

Today was Bella's MRI at Hasbro's Center for Pediatric Imaging. It was not a day I had been looking forward to. Now having a few MRI's of my own I know it is not a test that is painful or invasive, but thinking about my 2 year old in that big machine was just not pleasant. As you can imagine when an MRI is needed on a child of Bella's age and they need her perfectly still, they need to sedate her to get it done. That is the part that was scaring me. Bella has never been under anesthesia and while the test itself is not risky, anytime you go "under" there are risks associated with it. Bella's neurologist had held off scheduling the MRI for the very reason that unnecessarily sedating a child is not something they like to do. But once her EEG came back abnormal, he felt it necessary to do the MRI to make sure nothing is overlooked and everything is checked out.

So off we went this morning. Bella's appointment was at 8am and she could not eat or drink anything after 7am. I was a bit worried because Miss Bella LIKES her food and when she doesn't have a full belly, well, lets just say she is less than happy. As I figured Bella was not in the greatest of moods while we checked in and got her ready for the test. But in Bella fashion, she was a TROOPER! And the staff at Hasbro was amazing. They have quite the operation and walked us through everything before it happened.

It was interesting to me that the entire staff that was attending to Bella were all first Pediatric Intesive Care personnel before moving over to the imaging department. That was a wonderful comfort to Jeff and I because our thoughts of course were, if anything was to happen, she is in the best place for it to be taken care of. They take such care when sedating a young child like Bella... they monitored her just as they would if she was in surgery. It really was amazing the precautions and steps they took to ensure her safety.

Both Jeff and I wanted to be with her, in the same room during the MRI, so we were screened by the MRI staff to make sure we could be due to the strength of the magnetic field surrounding the machine. Turned out that because Jeff had worked with grinding metal in the past (regardless of how many years ago) they would not let him stay for fear that if a tiny piece had lodged in his eye the magnet could move it. So Jeff was able to stand outside the door while they sedated Bella and had to leave for the test. That was an incredibly hard thing for Jeff to do and I know how badly he wanted to be in there with us. I did not want him to worry anymore than he already was so I put on my "brave face"...I could hold Bella while they put in the IV and put her to sleep. Brave face or not, I was petrified!

Since this ordeal started, Jeff has always been the one to hold Bella for bloodwork, shots etc. Now it was up to me.. I wanted to be strong for Bella and I wanted to be strong for Jeff.

Bella and I went into the MRI room and they sat her on the MRI table. I was told to hold her in a hug in front of her while they put in the IV. I thought ok, I can do this, and I was doing really well. My little Bella was crying so I started to sing her favorite song.. "I love you a bushel and a peck, a bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck"..she calmed a little and the nurses even sang along...too cute. They were able to finally get the IV in, after a little struggle, and the nurse told me the anesthesia was going in...within seconds of her saying that, my daughter went limp in my arms...that was by far the worst feeling in the world. She was fully sedated and they began to get all her monitors hooked up and position her in the MRI machine.

As tears quietly streamed down my face I watched my little precious bundle lay there, still and helpless. She seemed so small. As I sat there and just watched the blanket around her chest move up and down I prayed..I knew she was ok and this was only a minor test, but my prayer was for gratitude. All I could think about were those parents who have very sick children, children in accidents and how they have had to see their children, their babies, no matter their age, on machines breathing for them and so many of them have had to make unthinkable choices. I was so grateful that Jeff and I were not going through that. We have our Bella, here and now, smiles and hugs everyday. I did allow myself the tears, after all, this is my baby, but I did not feel sorry for myself, not at all. I was even a little proud of myself, I was able to be strong for Bella and Jeff, even way out of my comfort zone.

The test was over in 45 minutes and Bella was taken to recovery so she could wake up on her own. She lay there sleeping, a little snore here and there, she looked so beautiful. My Mom and Dad were there and my Mom said "its amazing how much you can love something huh?". I couldn't have said it better. Bella woke up and gave some big stretches and even a few smiles to Mommy, Daddy, Gingie and Papa. It was over. So another worry checked off the list, another experience that has made us stronger and put in perspective our blessings and how much we have to be thankful for.